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♥ Ryn Azrynne
Because none of it was ever worth the risk. But you are the only exception. And I'm on my way to believing. Oh yes I'm on my way to believing. |
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♥ Me
22101986half arab half bugis white chocolates.white roses piano.books.cats the beach starbucks.redbull.pink dolphin red.white.grey sunsets.moonlights headphones.vocal house.shorts arsenal.cod blackops.leica chanel.armani.zara the little mermaid rocket power.ppg fee.lyn.jaz.uzir.mudd ♥ My Links
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♥ My Songs
  Music Playlist at MixPod.com |
losing
and when i lose myself, i think of you.- i can't wait. september one of the worst month for me this year, is finally coming to an end. alhamdulillah. =) yesterday, one of the bestfriend came over to my place. hung out singing songs and etc. i got the little mermaid pouch as a gift cos i can't find it anywhere. YAY!!! hahaha otherwise, life's been pretty much mundane now. work and work and work. these days, i feel so worn out and so tired. and i fell sick. maybe i can't take all this anymore... finally.
these latest events that have been happening around me have caused me scars that's left me traumatised. i have exhausted all means of my life lines and i am imminently left with no choices. at all.- and so, begins my thursday morning, a huge sense of dread is hanging over myself. i realised that i have sunk deeper into this abyss of self hatred for myself. i also realised that i am left with no other options but to walk away. and i think i will do that. maybe not in this life. God willing, we will meet again someday. if i am with someone else, so be it, but my heart beats silently for you. dear God, this song that plays within me, please let me listen to it for the rest of my life even if i am walking on a different path. now i can close my eyes and finally shut down. =) sun.sand.sea
sunsets. waves crashed. sand in my toes. i want to feel it all.- and so my saturday begins with another call from the ex at 8 in the morning. i think he wants me back cos he's asking if we could meet. i highly doubt so. last nightt work was very very very fulfilling. ;) heehee... at first i was exceptionally moody but then hahaha... my mood was lifted and i ended up singing all those "hell-yeah" songs dancing away enjoying myself. damn somebody can do the twist! LOL i shall not say another word about last friday night. it was seriously too bad i didn't take any pictures. that kinda sucked. but oh well... do it all again this coming friday night. LOL so i got a present... a canon! heehee thank you mwuah mwuah mwuah!!! <3 so amazing! actually, i am very very very down. been this way for a few months now. things are getting very...tense at home. no one is talking to me. no one. i wish people would stop being so judgemental. i'm being pushed into a corner. it hurts but i guess i gotta be used to it, this pain that lingers inside me each time i'm home. when i have a daughter, i will show her n tell her i love her. i won't shove her aside uncaringly and never acknowledge her and without even showing or saying a word just expect her to know i love her in that cold way. no way. i will show and tell her. every single day. i hate my life. i am now simply and merely a daughter and a sister. words. only words. but i don't get treated like one here. i am just like a passerby now. it's only when the occasion calls for it then i am summoned, treated like a daughter and a sister. otherwise when the doors are shut, i am nothing at home. God, i don't want to do this anymore. i am tired. so tired. haizzz... all i asked for each and every single day when i lift my hands and pray, "dear God please let me breathe today." i don't even ask to breathe easily. all i ask is to breathe and not suffocate nor drown. my saturday's turning sadder by the minute now. i should do something. to make today better. i should. i think i need the beach. badly. i'll go play the piano again. Labels: piano sad beach inspired, no?
forever and for always. <3
- first and foremost, selamat hari raya to everyone celebrating it! =D secondly, i got really moody so i've decided to start blogging back as promised after the month of fasting has gone past. and yeap here i am packed full with inspirations! hahahaha wowwweee boy am i exaggerating... lol so anyways, things have been going ok so far. it's one of those days where it's safe to say "so far so good". so yeah, one of THOSE days. =/ truth is, i really miss you. i try not thinking about it. but it gets worse as i shove it all at the back of my head. sighsss... maybe i've lost my inspirations for this entry... =/ frenchy xoxo
when life and death becomes a blurred line, all you know is just live each day step by step.- i close my eyes and i see only you, only you. i'm not kidding. i think i'm going crazy. - it's 10.50pm on this moderately chilly tuesday night. dad came back. bought me a tin of arsenal cookies. lololol IKR! family's organising a picnic or a trip to sentosa soon before the fasting month begins. so yeah... i'll be the one planning, again. lol things seems to be going ok i guess. i haven't had a nightmare in 2 days. amazing right?! and i fall asleep so much faster and easier. and and and there's no more fights. NO MORE! not kidding. nt even a slight mere disagreement. jaw dropping moment. and i am much more happier! =) hmm... anywho, i joined back tarian and dikir. practice goes on sundays and thursdays. there's a performance in early auggy which i cant wait and sept onwards for raya. EXCITED!!! lololol besides that, nothing much. fasting month is approaching and i can't wait. wooohooo~ hahahaha anyway, am going off to sleep before frenchy tmr!!! goodnight lovelies~ mwuah mwuah xoxo! =) <3 blue skies tuesday
sun rays filtering through the slates of my windows into my curtains and finally into my room. i see dust motes swirling through and try to count them.- it is a Tuesday. i am looking at my phone waiting for it to ring or for someone to leave a text. this is pathetic...hahaha. this is so weird. this feeling like i need something to help me breathe. i officially declared war upon myself when i laid down in bed this morning and thought about him. yesterday was monday and i went out with mother after like a gazillion years of not having that mother daughter thing. i wanted to cook steak but mom suggested we have steak outside instead and so we did!!! yum yum! dad is away at thailand due to work and wont be back anytime soon. so yeap, have to accompany mom every night to sleep. im so used to sleeping alone since i was 4years old...it is so uncomfortable waking up and seeing that i am having another human in bed with me. seriously. the first reaction would be "gahhh who is that beside me?!" followed by "uhhh... *peeks thru pillow to see who it is*" im not kidding. laugh all u want but i have this knee jerk reaction when i wake up and find that im not alone. then i check who it is. so far the only human i've only spent the night with in the same bed is just mom. lol hmm last sunday me n my youngest bro went to beach road cos he was finding some of his stuff for his work. so we didnt know we could train there so we wasted $20 on the cab. -_- IKR. after he bought his stuff...and seriously i saw a shop which sells quicksilver boardshorts for $10 a pair. i wanna go there again. lol okok then after bro got his stuffs we wanted to walk to bugis as according to my iphone map it should be a 12 mins walk but it started raining like mad so i got smart and found a bustop which took 3 stops to bugis. we alighted and we were so damn dandy hungry so bro paid for our late lunch at... TONG SENG! yay!!! oh ya side note... his turn to be mcm yao kwee cos he nvr go thr before n usually i always the yao kwee one LOL hahhaaaa!!! lol and i finally had my lor mee~ woohoo!!! lapar dokzzz... then we walked slowly...seriously slowly...to cthall... hahahaha...cos too full. hahahaha!!! we went to leica and looked around. i was like drooling at the X1. tsk... haiz. $2k camera. not worth. saving for the future is better. then we went to birkenstocks n i bought my red birkens!!! YAY!!! hahaha bro was like "no the other strappy one like nyonya apek style n the 2 strap one like minah rep. take the single strap more decent type, in red cos red is u." haha! tau pun!!! lol~ then we waited 12minutes for our 502 to head home...huhu~ other than that nothing much to update... - <3 LKSD, HRBRFRNT, VV, BCH STTN, TNJG BCH <3 - with that i'm signing off... stay safe on this purely blue skies tuesday! =) xo PS : mungkin aku akan bertepuk lagi... =P thursday
when u feel stagnant like u have nowhere and nothing anymore in mind, what do you think of...?- ps3 is down. i have turned into a tv addict. life just got downgraded. i need the beach. soon. |