heart
everybody needs inspiration.

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awwwuuu...so many exciting happening hot stuffs going on soon...started with yesterday, was such an awesome day. work as usual. but before that was awesome!!! no...like seriously, i felt so good. thanks gaara-redman-wannabe. LOL nah he's super good. or maybe it's his camera. hahaha okok both. MENGAUM!!! haha...
yeah made a few difficult decisions. but hey i'm being paid. so no complains there. hehe...

yeap gonna make this short. someone's in singapore. not gonna say who because she's wanting to keep this down low i guess. =) hehe... am at work now. blog again next time. WOOTS!!! <3

i just need you now
tired? double edged meaning or...?

the unlistenable silence is killing me.
what's happening?
i thought we were strong.
all i can say is please be strong because if you aren't, then i won't be strong enough to hold on to this.

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shopping online is complete retail bliss for me. like today. a dress i ordered arrived. yay!!! lol...another one coming...hopefully.

so yes, everyone is going 'wow what are you working as? etc etc.' oi fyi, i have to work on a bloody public holiday on friday ok???!!! so while everyone is relaxing at home this coming friday, i am working. company's doing a new project and i am handling it. like today. i was giving a speech as usual at the usual major huge meeting that was supposed to last 2-3hours but lasted a bloody 1hour. i wasted my time dressing up to look the part. so instead of my skirts/shorts/jeans and flats etc etc i wore work bloody outfit. heels the works etc etc. (ok i got to stop etc etc now, it happens even when i am talking in my serious mode.) so yes, when i dont wear formal everyone relaxes and asks a bunch of questions at me when we're in a meeting. but today? i am in formal set to impress and everyone clams up and just refuses to be relaxed. wtfh. but hey, i just hope they did understand the concept and etc etc. ok stop. lol

sighs...and now hearing some lady antebellum i go all emo -.- oh em gee...i miss bestyboy and his reggaeton car. he'll be fine. i know. i think. urgh don't break down ryn. quote him. NOW. 'head up nose up look straight ahead and don't flinch because you'll be fine.' thnks soulmate. 8years. not going to bloody waste it.

bumped into figo just now. he was eating chicken wings and drinking ice milo. dumdumdum the boy never changes. i still love his stinky sweater. LOL cuddle to sleep hor bro...lol =D

anywhoodles, i miss like a bunch of people. shit. yeah. i do.

i miss sebastien so much. ma chevalier blanc... =(
i miss fiza so frikking much...she's going on a holiday...i bloody miss you gf.
i miss desmond too...crap.
and last...but not least, i miss min. A-FUCKING-LOT.

so yeah...i miss these bunch of ppl...

ohhh i dreamed of mui...yeah i know wth right? YEARS AGO! o.o urgh it would have ... nvrm...

anyway...i don't really feel like making this a long entry...gonna go sleep. work tmr. nights all.

MOOD : LOW. thnks baby. rly...thnks.

the pause
i think there's a pause somewhere amongst us...
i also think you've stopped being honest with me about how you feel...
you listen yes you do but only to what you want...
you thought you knew what was fake and what was real...
i love you and at first you thought you did...
but all in all inside your heart you started to doubt this...
where's all those whispered sweet nothing...
for you love simply flew into an unknown bliss...

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ahhh breakfast was fantastic. and i am happy. very. very. shall not say a word. hehehehe...been a week i guess since i last blogged...hehe...been busy with work friends family. everything's getting better by the days...things wont be better in like a few hours right? haha...

work has been piling up...that's what i always say but hey at least i finish the job. haha...nothing much to blog about besides the fact that i can't wait for end of this week and month's end...yippee...

sometimes it's gonna rain...
why are we fighting for nothing...nothing...nothing...

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things have been real rough. misunderstandings etc etc. til it all escalated into one big drama. but overall we've all learn that nothing is impossible so we'll just sit down and talk things over like educated people do.

hmm...work has been a real drag. everything at work is so difficult. but i'll get by. like i always do. like i always...do.

been meeting nura more often now. maybe it's because she works super near my work place. so we lunch or just do meetups often during work.

the days went past me so very fast. i am not even sure if it's a weekday or weekend. haha...nothing much to blog about since nothing much has been happening. so i guess that's it...

PS : sometimes men don't get it...

waves after waves
have you seen her? this lady all dressed in black with skin as pale as the moon and eyes as dark as the night? she only visits you in your sleep when you are naked and helpless and cannot even lift a finger to prod her. yes, she's called death. she whispered to me last night...

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i wish for many things. i keep wishing. and wishing. now my only wish is for you to be happy. contented. satisfied. because if i told you of the many things you said or did caused my emotional turmoil then you would be unhappy. i'd rather you smile then me.

then she said i wanted her dead. really? because if that was the case then i beg to differ ma'am. you keep saying things that hurt me. go on dig that hole in my heart deeper. i cannot heal anymore. neither will i attempt to feel. thank you for doing this to me. maybe if i were dead things would be better. for her. for him. for myself. then everyone can just sigh and say "ahhh the burden's gone at last." right? then let me sit in that corner for now and contemplate the ways to my departure.

so many things so little time.

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ok emoness aside...

here's one thing i want to say so very much. go ahead. go on with them if it means seeing you smile more. i seriously would appreciate you being happy. because with me you don't seem to be. oh and yes...i'll just curl up with an umbrella.

PS : nobody knows who i really am, i've never felt this empty before and if i ever need someone to come along, who's gonna confort me and keep me strong?

i miss you
don't stop dancing girl...i won't, don't worry

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hmmm...i love trance chillout music...and kaskade has become my ultimate fav =)

so anyways...nothing much happening except work work work galore. been meeting jazz (she doesnt like double z to the y) LOL her enthusiams are rly catchy til i find myself laughing loudly also hahaha...good lah i need more happy people surrounding me.

oh shiz seriously nothing to blog about...

ok let's talk about sandfly. he went into another relapse. so that means another slip into unconsciousness. but i promised him i'll smile and laugh more. so no one knows of my inner turmoil. i will. speaking of besty...i miss bff too...wonder where is he. i rly miss him. can die like that. desmond...where are you...i miss you =(

hmm i love my outfit today. red tight tee with the words Little Miss Chatterbox smacked in the front and a pair of Forever21 black shorties and my ultimate buy of my life...my spanking brand new Diesel Alpha Femme Glamrock black high cut shoes!!! woo...love love love. if can everyday i wanna wear...even when go kedai mamak/nyonya...LOL siao. oh market cannot. later spoil. eee...i cry. last size seh i bought. haha lucky.

oh well. meeting beastboy and maybe jazz later...see how things goes...

PS : i can just curl up on the floor and cry silent tears because of how badly i am missing you.

fuck you
giler. minah2 sumer giler. rajin eh korg stalk aku pastu pm yg bukan2 pastu track msn aku eh? sungguh rajin. sumpah aku menyampah perangai sampah masyarakat. aku pun boleh jadi minah. aku jadikan korg sekor2 bahan. tengok jer. wire dah trip.

just do it
thickened my skin for the worst might be around the corner and it won't be a pretty affair.

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so here i am on a blistering hot day sitting in the office on my desk shoes off jacket on aircon full blast kelly clarkson on repeat chewing on honey sesame walnuts and sipping pink dolphin. ok i shouldn't be blogging or playing nightclub city on facebook because my workload's piling up but do i look like i care? hahahaha.

so far things have been VERY hectic...but i am trying to hold up. i hate working on weekends. yucks. anyway i will slowly distance myself. like what the flower said. cannot say name. or else kene hacked. haha.

sad but true...because i don't like this one bit.


ok and suddenly the rain has fall!!! no way. ew. yucks.


hmm have good news. and bad news.


GUESS WHO'S BACK?! SACHOK'S BACK! LOL... ok that's the good news.


bad news? because i see him in him. nevermind. no one gets it anyway...

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i did a small photoshoot with AJ...have plans for more soon aye...mother's day came and went. bought an SK pearl gold bracelet, flowers and wrote a card...think she likes it. and i really want to watch the runaways. it's a sort of a tribute movie to joan jett. but k-stew's in it. and eclipse is coming out in june. oh em gee everybody scream yes? ahhh and i feel so damn good cos my room is cleaned and i don't have work tomorrow. yummy aye? played combat arms awhile and nightclub city which is a game i am addicted to on facebook. haha. between buying a mac and trip to japan i rather go japan. haha.

so things have been working out slowly. sandfly's awake. but still heavily unconscious. doc says not so good for him...i don't want to think much about him.

and like shiz...i miss him.

hurts so bloody good.
i am starting to hate myself. i am begging you. please do not let me hate you too.

leave if you want to. i am so much better off alone. you deserve someone else. go. just go. ok?! go to your bloody ideal type. not me. haha i was never your type to begin with. and while you're walking away, kindly toss me that ragcloth so i can wipe up the blood spilling from my open chest.

you made me cry. you bloody made me cry. i am crying as i think of you now. it hurts. what kind of a man are you? are you even one? fuck you and your kind. the female species gives love better.

before i say it's over...you had better know this is your wake up call boy.

I HATE YOU.

now give me time to get over this. do not call or text or msn me. go flirt with others while you're away from me. go. go. just go. come back when you realised you've hurt me so much more than you ever did.

hurts...so bloody good...

waiting on the world to change
i keep waiting...waiting...waiting on the world to change
(my new alarm ringtone)

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wow. great day mate...great day. finally got to spend time with mumsie...went prawning but got heavily drenched. stupid rain. but it was time well spent. then that day during evening went walking around west coast park. which eerily looks like an awesome epic set for resident evil movie. haha. then went to buy those famous satays around west coast kedai kopi with dad. wah...i drank 2 glasses hot milo and 2 boxes cold milo...what the hell. i wish redbull came in boxes. dream on ryn.

ooh and a friend has asked me to go golfing with him. coolness. but i don't know any golf shiz...so we're probably going L4D2 on friday for a little while =) i so love Left 4 Dead...


i am right now listening to all of John Mayer's songs...i used to like his songs. ALL his songs. especially Daughters and Say...i can totally relate to these songs...think i will mellow down awhile and stop listening to those crazy Pitbulls and PCDs...slowly i am listening to my old favs again...Tim McGraw, Five For Fighting, Nickelback, Gavin DeGraw...yes see where i am coming from? totally different. i need to stop...no not stop. just slow down and really look at where i am going. =)

oh well. work has been really yucky of late. came home almost midnight. fudge right?! i went to work at 9.30am for my dayjob. after work, went to sing at Hard Rock Hotel. the new hotel at Sentosa. my take on the place? bland. blase. or simply put? boring. decor wasn't much to begin with. but the service there is a killer. the people there welcomed me like i was Beyonce. ok far fetched. i am not Beyonce and neither do i like her. hahaha. Kelly Clarkson? hahahahahaha. attention Ryn. your timespan in dreamland has been forfeited. kindly make your way to the exit thank you.

so anyway, might be meeting Rudolf later for lunch...guy's making his way to 313...so yeap. i miss chatting with Sebby. =( and Desmond ='( ok Des...you owe me a huge lunch hor for making me suffer. hahaha. nah kidding. get well soon and please recover faster from your injuries. i miss you bestfriendforever.

oh and by the way, i can't log in to my facebook. so i am guessing this will be published on facebook. hopefully. so everyone can see why i'm not on fb these days. i have to wait a few more days i guess. my account got hacked. ew. stalkers should just get a life.

and i am still waiting on the world to change =)