|
♥ Ryn Azrynne
Because none of it was ever worth the risk. But you are the only exception. And I'm on my way to believing. Oh yes I'm on my way to believing. |
|
|
♥ Me
22101986half arab half bugis white chocolates.white roses piano.books.cats the beach starbucks.redbull.pink dolphin red.white.grey sunsets.moonlights headphones.vocal house.shorts arsenal.cod blackops.leica chanel.armani.zara the little mermaid rocket power.ppg fee.lyn.jaz.uzir.mudd ♥ My Links
Add & FollowFormspring azbutt89 - PSN (PS3) ♥ My Memories
♥ My Songs
  Music Playlist at MixPod.com |
nothing is ever as simple as that
you know when things are slowly falling apart and you don't even know how it happened? yeah, it's finally happened.maybe...i asked for too much. maybe i am not enough for him. ahhh all the maybes i can come up with. i am sick of pretending. i can't anymore and yet, here i am still pretending i am ok. you know what? let's not meet lah...easier lah...so you'll understand how much suffering i am in right now. ok? im tired of repeating things over and over to you til i believe whatever i am saying is not working. fine. whatever. before i really walk away so you can find someone who's better suited to you. - i feel so unwanted right now. - hmm...it's raining. am at work now. the rain's so heavy... and my injury is getting worse...at first it was healing...suddenly flared up this morning...hurts like hell...but its all fine =) just met sugar for nuggets earlier and we played in the heavy rain -.- not played...lol got wet...hahahaha miss that sugared sensation of mine...chlorox!!! LOL hahahaha she's extremely down to earth...i like hanging out with this half japanese baby lol so anywhoo have to stop now... hopefully i get to watch eclipse soon...really wanna see edward cullen. heehee <3 PS : "it's as simple as that, i love you. simple." no, it's not my love...it's not. and i wonder if i'd ever crossed your mind
feelings fade. that's a fact.- am about to go off to sleep...work tomorrow. yucks. i should resign. promise to update within 3 days =D stalking is tiring... LOL goodnight... xoxo the arge
i am sick of feeling like this. sick.- tummy's making dubstep go to shame. hunger pangs has arrived in classy style. minus the limo. everyone's suddenly getting the ps3. a couple of days ago besty bought one. then last week a friend bought it. like whao. hahaha baik. welcome everyone to the dark side...hehe ok and i hate it when a guy attempts to flirt with me and fails. here's our convo. him "so what you up to?" me "blogging then sleeping early." him "why so early?" me "cos i aint staying up to catch the germs english LOL waking later to watch the arge!!! hell yeah!" him "oooh nice. what show is that? which channel?" me "u kidding me?" him "oh. so it's a movie right?" me "i gtg." *appears offline* him "so fast? pm me ltr if the movie The Arge is nice k? night." like seriously. WTFH. that was the worst turn off ever in 2010. ever. ew. eee. yucks. eeeee... - so sugar...i miss you. we should have bought those damn shoes. matching seh. urgh. meet soon. i want you and your laughter. soon hun. next one's on me bay...iloveyou. - erghhh baby E is online...yessahh! i miss wifey. so much. i was telling key if i was a man i'd fly to Esa n marry her. i'd steal her away from all the guys. i love her so much to the point of killing anyone who'd hurt her. seriously. her and irene are the only 2 woman i'd kill to protect. they've stood by me thru thick and thin. listening advising of my rants and raves. wanna chat with her now. =) sweetheart wait for me... <3 gdnight. part 3
apart III- take a listen to the songs on my blog... all i can say is... i have no more words left to speak... JUST LISTEN. ... ... ... can you hear my heart speaking to you? go the distance
apart II- my started off SWELL. very very very much swell. =/ so anyway, it's raining now. in the morning. when i am about to go to work. it HAS to rain. way to go weather woman...sighs. i am starting to recreate scenes in my head. blargh. this void is eating me up. even though all i've done is have wonderful happy exciting times with friends. but still... this is utterly disgusting me to my very core. playing pretend 24/7 all the time. yeah uncountable times... maybe like 68971217 times LOLOLOL familiar nmbr. aye i'd better put this to a standstill. work beckons. sick of this. already. i need the doctor. asap. and you ain't one. so if you want to be one for me, then stop whatever you're doing and JUST LISTEN. to whatever that i am NOT saying. - before...i...say...goodbye... the words
apart.- been super sick. coughing badly. can't breathe. urgh. and the fact that i rarely get sick is so true because the last i went to the doctor was about more than a year ago. whao. lol so anyway besides me being sick, nothing much. world cup is so sensational. especially holland and argentina. lucky i support them. but the gunners are always number 1. hehe. it's past 10pm. i should sleep because i have work tomorrow. it is so going to be a long day at work tomorrow. i told lyn maybe i am going to quit. thinking about it. the stress level is unmanageable for me. but i'll be fine. eventually i guess. i am going through a huge change these days. getting so...i don't know how to explain this. like there is something wrong with me. my inspirations are fleeting. getting less and less. then i have to think really hard before getting something. seriously i can feel something's wrong with me. but i ain't sure what though. i'll find an answer soon enough aye? hopefully. it's been so long since he last contacted me. but he did today. i don't know you see. i seriously don't have an inkling about this whole thing. you know i have been frank with you. what i did say before i still meant it. don't ask me anything. i don't want to wreck my brain for an answer. i just don't. leave it be ok. listen to me for once. just leave it be. and there i go talking in riddles again. must be my meds. just took it see. drowzy. taking the bus to work tomorrow. hopefully no traffic jam. goodnight. PS : the words i need to hear to always get me through the day to make it ok... i miss you. 15 years ago all over again
I really wish I would feel differently. But when I saw what you and your friends were talking about in public, let's just say the knife you plunged inside my chest just went all the way in. It hurts girl. I didn't know you were capable of playing the bitch when I'd never did anything to ever hurt you. Ever. But yes, I just have to deal with the fact that maybe I was blinded by the yearning to be accepted by you because you are his very good close best friend. And i didn't want to be like THAT girl. It hurts. Why'd you sink so low? The others I don't really give a damn if they want to hurt me because hey...i don't even know them. There is your answer people. You don't know anything about anyone so why'd they go bitch about and all that? Heh. But. But. But. The most amazing thing is I am willing to forgive you girl. Because I still like you. And I don't blame you for doing this behind me. People have their reasons. I doubt jealousy is the key here. About those other 2 girls? Yeah maybe they're jealous. I don't know. Or else why'd they do this? But you? Jealous? Hard to believe. Prove me wrong. I don't know anymore girl. I cried when I say the whole thing. No wonder you went MIA on me and refused to answer calls texts etc etc. And no. I have not told anyone about this. Not the names at least. Look...do i seem like the girl to run over to people complaining "omg that girl i trusted her...she did this to me she hurt me her name's ----!!!" i didn't. Because I'm not that immatured. Hell I'm even older than you. So hey like I said, I don't blame you. It's always been like this. Since secondary school. People LOVE bullying this library girl. Because her skirt's always longer than the rest. Her socks higher than the rest. Always a book in hand. Messy hairdo. Unshaved/Unplucked eyebrows. Skinny. Geeky. Pale. Quiet. So the bullies are always the same race as me. ALWAYS. Hence, the reason why I always mixed with the chinese. Like what a really close friend for almost 8years said (she's chinese btw) "Told you to open your eyes when you be friends with these people. Look what happened now. Again and again." Guess so. Everytime I became friends with the same race as me, I'd always end up the one on the floor crying while they laugh and spit and step on me. FUN isnt it? Even in Anugerah singing competition. I was the loner. With a book in hand. Society wasn't for me. Unless they were chinese. Funnily enough, when I was mixing with my chinese gangs, those same chinese people regarded me as their sister and would KILL to protect me. If i ever shed a tear, they'd go "FUCK. WHO DID THIS TO YOU?! TELL ME NOW. I DONT LIKE SEEING YOU CRY." and amazing thing is they refused to let anyone influenced me with cigs and alcohols and clubs. The ones who are the same race as me...ahhh different story. I remember this scenario which happened last year with a bunch of malay girls. "Hey try drinking heinekken. Really good beer." or "Eh let's go DXO!!! My treat. Sneak out of the house at 1am. BEST!!!" like wtfh. I'm also not saying the most perfect of all Muslims who don't EVER sin. NO. I'm human too. I make mistakes too. But I know where are the boundaries. Also...no. I'm not saying all malay girls are like that. Bear this in mind. It's always to me. Happening to me. Wonder why. Does it pain YOU to see me smiling happy doing what I like and enjoy? =( Or maybe like what AJ's friend Hafizah said to me "Friends with guys better. Girls must choose very wisely." true fact because most of my friends are guys. Where are my Coke Groupy?! we need to do the Coke dance. =P LOLOLOL!!! So starting from now, I am only going to mix and choose girlfriends who are either chinese OR if they are not, they must have more chinese friends than malays. Sorry. I'm not being racist here but for 15years these shit have been happening to me since primary school. Hell even my bestfriend since primary school is chinese. And now my other bestfriend is malay but *smirks* we can speak chinese and we even listen to chinese songs and we both have more chinese friends than malays. Yes FIZA...talking about you. I miss you nu ren. We must chillax with bubble tea and jay chou again. LOL - On a lighter note, have been spending time with Shaz. She is mad-rad awesome. Seriously. Her listening ears are absolutely awesome. One day must chillax with Tubby. REMEMBER THIS!!! LOL i love you girl. thnks for sharing stuffs you never told anyone except Tubby. So now only us 3 know this TOASTY secret. but i am proud of this girl. very very very. Our lips are sealed. =) <3 I miss sandfly. He'll know what to do. Get well soon brother soulmate. I love you. And... I MISS BF <3 te amo te amo...
i've finally confessedi don't care if i lose everything i've given you my heart i don't care if you break anything - had an awesome day today. spent time with some friends. cool =D but the highlight was besty finally flew in to SG as he was on his holidays...studying overseas sucks i bet...but he says otherwise. i sorta miss this boy because the image of me in my boonlay sec school uniform meeting this angmoh look-a-like guy from singapore poly at boonlay old bus interchange is still fresh in my head. 8yrs solid friendship. well we do argue etc etc. we havent been talking for almost 5mths cos we argued abt something big and he suddenly called me saying he's in singapore. okok cool. that boy flew in from USA to singapore. but things went abit haywire. shall not say much here but i think we both said some things we shouldn't have. and one thing led to another til something huge just happened. he asked me a question. i could answer. obviously. but he just asked me to hold back that answer first and think about things. shiz. seriously? he's my bestfriend. 8yrs. thats long. from my sec school geek-dome meetings with him at boonlay library and i even still remember we used to lunch at raffles place. when i was working my first office job as a litigation sec in law firm while he was doing his internship. coffee bean with him at old jurong point. ban mian noodles at the banquet at jurong point. taking train to woodlands. alot of memories... sighs...im lost. shit. i miss boyfriend. the dream
the soft pale curtains flickering against my shoulders as i stand at the window.the sight of blue azure skies littered with fluffy white rolls of clouds. the lingering smell of toasts and coffee in the kitchen. the sound of crickets loudly buzzing in the background while the birds greet them. the feel of your eyes on my back as i do my make up. - i want this scene to come true. because if it doesn't, it's you i'll sue. sugar, don't you understand? all i'm asking is forever hold my hand. alright, i'm begging you pretty please? look, i'll even wear a garland made of daisies. - pretty aye? anywhoo...work's been getting better...except the heels have got to go. LOL lucky sometimes boss is driving and she just ask me to wait at somerset mrt and she'll fetch me and we either breakie together or she'll drop me at work...best is she'll drive me to cthall...but that's only like once a week or once in 2weeks. she's the bigbigbigboss...she just got back from malaysia. but she's going malaysia next week. then again...the stress and workload dumped on me again. fish. moody. blog again... |