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♥ Ryn Azrynne
Because none of it was ever worth the risk. But you are the only exception. And I'm on my way to believing. Oh yes I'm on my way to believing. |
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♥ Me
22101986half arab half bugis white chocolates.white roses piano.books.cats the beach starbucks.redbull.pink dolphin red.white.grey sunsets.moonlights headphones.vocal house.shorts arsenal.cod blackops.leica chanel.armani.zara the little mermaid rocket power.ppg fee.lyn.jaz.uzir.mudd ♥ My Links
Add & FollowFormspring azbutt89 - PSN (PS3) ♥ My Memories
♥ My Songs
  Music Playlist at MixPod.com |
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i miss you. black and white. wonderful masterpiece. you resonate my name in the most amazing voice ever. will you ever come back to me and continue telling me you love me like you did before? my first passion. taken. painfully wretched from my fingers. now i just watch my soul that lies in each and every ten of my fingers mourn and die a slow death. my only consolation is the music shop. every day 15mins. enough. just enough to hear you whisper I LOVE YOU. enough. i love you too.- new updates... yesterday met up with the cuzins. at about 6.30pm. went to the flyer to have chicken at poppeyes. their mash and biscuits are heaven. HEAVEN. pics are up on fb. lol didnt eat much tho. appetite decreasing. been jogging alot. which is good i guess. can see a slight difference. or so says friends. which is good i guess. today's lunch i had fries and mineral water. i didnt even finish it. LOLOLOL!!! but thats my whole day food. oooh i suddenly want sushi. but next week when i get my pay...im going on a food spree. SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI!!! lol anyways...thats all i got. dads bday today. baby's bday tmr. i kinda miss her. but i better stay away cos she has alot of friends n i dun wanna get in the way. alright. must go. AGAIN...WORK. lol =) is there even a possibility?
tossing and turning and screaming your nametired of nightmares that are always the same - tried but cannot. how do i survive this stabbing that keeps repeating inside me? no, u do not know what i am feeling. not even them. not everyone. but me, myself and i and God. it hurts so much i'd rather be born senseless. without eyes to witness my pained expression in the mirror. without ears to listen to my anguished cries. without a voice to scream repeatedly. without a single sense at all so i can just be what everyone wants. - so anyway... a few days ago was sugar's bday...hoped she liked the day spent. pics are up on my facebook. i have taken to going to this music shop over at town at this mall and playing the piano there. i swear steinway & sons sounds so much more crystal clear. my fingers adore the keys so much...i can practically hear my fingers screaming in utter adoration... mmm... sighs...nothing much. been working. working. working. why is it always when i blog work plays a huge part? LOL gonna dye my hair a brighter red. WOO... <3 die happy
do you wanna die happy do you wanna die happy- life goes on. have no more goals and aims in life anymore now. oh yeah...just one. trip to japan. very very soon. savings almost complete. gimme maybe 4 more mths. yay!!! just me n min to japan...woots...i hope no one takes that away from me too. because if that is gonna be taken away from me then i dunno what is my purpose in life anymore. things have been seriously bad to worse. hell hole already now. i need lyn but i dun think she's also in the mood for me. fiza besty also not there... guess she's rly bz with her work n bf. i only got my andy buddy to talk to when i start waterworks... but dun rly wanna disturb him. desmond besty is ... missing again. great... my nightmares are all coming true. step by step. maybe im too good for him. i've always thought that he was too good for me because of the way he's been treating me. totally different than the rest of the guys. total respect towards me. attention only at me. but i guess maybe whatever everyone's been saying... like fizabesty, seth, family, cuzins... maybe what they said was right... im too good for him. he doesnt deserve me. i guess... yeah... =/ will stay strong tho... im staying away from everyone for now. will probably make a return or comeback after a week or so. *shakes head* seriously...things are going really bad. i hope i still have ppl to come back to when i think im better. hopefully. i can and will do this. this will be the hardest and painfullest phase ever in my entire life. i'll still walk on the set of polished sharp knives set on the ground by those around me. because if shedding blood for them is something that they think i should do then yes i will do it. i cannot fight anymore. neither can i feel. will return...hopefully, a stronger person. goodbye. pursuit of happiness
love story coming true...- 14th July 2010 is my best day ever. EVER. i've never had a day so wonderful like that in my entire adulthood. someone's been making me VERY happy. the feeling i get...this is all so innocent and beautiful. i swear upon my life, this is the first time...really and seriously in my entire life i have ever felt so complete. he's the first guy ever to make me feel above gold...above diamonds even. and seriously, everything's slowly getting so much more better. be it family, friends, career...everything. i thank God. Allah. ALHAMDULILLAH. so it is true...tests and obstacles have to be overcomed with sheer patience and endurance. only then will the clouds part to reveal the sunlight. once again...i thank God... and i have to thank my beloved close friends like Fiza, Des, Sandfly, Esa & recently Lyn for always being there. ALWAYS. most importantly, i have to thank my family. for holding my head above the waters with those rough words those nags those screams and yells because if not for all those more negativities you guys have given then i would not have come this far in pursuit of my utter happiness. if i were to receive more positives than negatives, then i might have been complacent. thank you. one more thing before i end this blogpost... i have found my happiness. this is it. believe in me please. i have been in pursuit of this since i turned 13. now 10 years have passed. 1 year wasted on building castles in the air. 2 years wasted on empty promises. 7 years wasted on waiting. so before i turn 24, let me taste MY happiness. i deserve it don't you think so? don't you know?
make me.or break me. - ahhh...been working ass off. serious shiz... dayjob : 10am-5pm nightjob : 7.30pm-12midnight whao whao whao...tiring as fcuk but this was how things were before...so gonna start getting used to it again =) heehee...really need to start saving up. oh yes and folks are like asking me when am i gonna bring him to meet them. things are finally looking up. like my ultimate bestyboy told me years before in a text...err...hang on i think i saved it inside phone...i think...oh ya got. =) "don't worry lah girl just continue being patient and keep being the good person that you are by ignoring whatever things that are not even true people keep saying about you and by God's will you will receive the many beautiful things in the future that God has planned out for good people like you. the key is BE PATIENT." so yeap...i've kept that in mind ever since... =) thnks dude...u rly are like half of me...and u've never once had any bad intentions towards me or any of my exes and current bf. thank God u woke up from ur coma. but still recovering. i will be seeing u very soon around next year bro... =D so on another sad sombre note... Holland lost. utter disgust. overall match was awesome. no doubt both countries put their all into the game. soccer is beautiful... but on a lighter note...hopefully tomorrow shall be a making day instead of breaking day. hahahaha only my close friends know the meaning to make or break. LOL met fiza besty last sunday. had a small tete-a-tete ala bubble tea LOL and we just sat and simply talked for hours til almost late night. she's like the best. among all my bestfriends and friends...she is the best. we're talking about double dating sometime soon...hehe... oh well...other than all those i've updated, nothing much really. ok. busy day ahead at work. blog soon (i hope) LOL - PS : why do i feel like... = a second without u makes me unhappy = a minute without u makes me seriously emo = an hour without u makes me start thinking sad thoughts = a day without u makes me frown all day = a week without u makes me cry at night darling you are the only exception
you are the one who will save me- been awhile... =) working butt off, worldcup etcs, reading, problems... so first thing first, got an iphone...finally -.- other than that, i'd like to address an issue. about my friends. well, one of them actually. it's hard to really say stuff. but the thing is...his gf thinks me n him are dating when i actually treat him like a bestfriend or brother. things got outta hand...n lets just say i'm severing all ties with him. i mean i rather throw my friendship to save his relationship. =) i think the girl also dah paiseh. LOL so other than that...nothing much. all i been doing is... work. work. work. ewww...yucks. hmm...on a better topic, world cup finals later. woo woo!!! Holland! i got my ammo all ready. my aussie Brickford drinks, pink dolphin for something something, cheezels biskits, twirl chocs n white chocs. fat. i think im like super fat alrdy nw. ewww...disgusting. seriously. look at my pics come on. i look like a fat white pig. YUCKS. diet exercise also no use. i am thinking of going on a crash diet. like eating nothing except for plain water. see how.... am gonna take a short nap. so can wake for finals later. - ps : on the surface i am put together. on the inside i am falling apart. come on i am waiting for u to fix me. two is better than one
one word. FINALLY. one sentence. I WISH IT WOULD NEVER END. - xoxo |