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♥ Ryn Azrynne
Because none of it was ever worth the risk. But you are the only exception. And I'm on my way to believing. Oh yes I'm on my way to believing. |
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♥ Me
22101986half arab half bugis white chocolates.white roses piano.books.cats the beach starbucks.redbull.pink dolphin red.white.grey sunsets.moonlights headphones.vocal house.shorts arsenal.cod blackops.leica chanel.armani.zara the little mermaid rocket power.ppg fee.lyn.jaz.uzir.mudd ♥ My Links
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♥ My Songs
  Music Playlist at MixPod.com |
i switched off.
is anyone proud?that i am still here, after all that has happened to me? to see me smiling and laughing, my frowns and tears nobody can see? they can hear me talking about happiness and joy? i stand tall even though everyone takes me apart like a toy? is anyone proud? my school exams are aced even if my mind's not in one piece? the songs i sing at work makes people think i am at ease? that i can enter a shop and buy a pair of jeans? that i can talk about my jeans when my heart is not at peace? - i turned into this clay painted facade that day i came home to find myself unwelcomed. it seems girls have it the worst. i wonder if i were to marry would i unknowingly share the same traits? i doubt so. but for now i cannot even justify my words that i was ever in pain. ever. it seems i have finally gained my ultimate wish to be born senseless. or maybe it's just that i am immune already. happiness is but a word. like a friend once said... do not be too happy. my sentiment is for God will see that you have neglected feeling pain or sadness and He will shower you with double the pain just for feeling that pure unadulterated happiness. get what i mean? it's like a kid having chocolates and he is having too much that people start noticing and they will grab the chocolates away from the kid because it's too much. maybe too much chocolates is unhealthy. maybe too much happiness is unhealthy. as the saying goes "don't be too happy because later you will be even less happier than ever when it all comes crashing down." TRUE. never again will i even attempt at finding my happiness. if it does comes naturally to me, i must be on my guard. as unfair as it may sound, i think God; Allah, wants me who is a mere human being to understand that happiness comes with a price. i know that now. i won't ever be too happy. forgive me Allah... on that note, i am going to go catch up on my topics. final exam is in 4 days. i know. wtf right? LOL off to study... zzz... PS : don't worry. for now i am just mediocre. neither happy nor sad. no wait. let me rephrase. for now i am unfeeling. i switched off. |