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♥ Ryn Azrynne
Because none of it was ever worth the risk. But you are the only exception. And I'm on my way to believing. Oh yes I'm on my way to believing. |
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♥ Me
22101986half arab half bugis white chocolates.white roses piano.books.cats the beach starbucks.redbull.pink dolphin red.white.grey sunsets.moonlights headphones.vocal house.shorts arsenal.cod blackops.leica chanel.armani.zara the little mermaid rocket power.ppg fee.lyn.jaz.uzir.mudd ♥ My Links
Add & FollowFormspring azbutt89 - PSN (PS3) ♥ My Memories
♥ My Songs
  Music Playlist at MixPod.com |
there's gotta be more to life.
maybe time will tell... but otherwise my mind's telling me everything will be for nothing and i will only end up with another crack to add to my already badly shaped heart...- i keep wondering. my intuition is screaming at me to brace myself. no it's not that it's too good to be true but instead it's like i am only going to end up empty handed. i can sort of see where i am heading. and it ain't gonna be someplace good. i keep denying the truth the plain fact left out for me myself and i to see. it's like im on a train ride and i keep telling myself "ooh im reaching! im reaching my destination! one more stop!" but i know the train is nowhere even near to moving. stuck. moot point. i feel restless like i have something to do but i am unsure what. i actually know i should do but i am just delaying it. things are not meant to be. and i keep forcing it all to be. i have grown. alot. i realise sometimes in life one has to make sacrifices that hurts alot. damn. i have made many many many sacrifices. for everyone. and yeah damn, again. it hurts like i got my hand stuck between a door and its frame and i keep slamming the door repeatedly on my hand til it is swollen black and blue but i keep slamming it again. sacrifices hurts. ALOT. i realise one thing as i am typing this out. i havent done anything for myself. i havent made myself happy. in ages. going out with friends isn't making myself truly happy. i go out with friends for 1 hour and i just smile and laugh and forget for 1 hour. go figure. but happiness is nothing but a borrowed product on earth. no one is entitled to true happiness. well at least i learned that from everyone around me. i am not supposed to be happy for myself. i am supposed to make everyone happy. people pleaser. yes i am one. but never would i expect for me to hit level 100 in being a people pleaser. yikes... on another note, i finally understand what real happiness is. it is when i see someone else being happy because of me or what i have done. if it pleases them it will please me. even if it causes me pain. it's a good kind of pain. lol NO I AM NOT A SADIST WHO ENJOYS HURTING MYSELF. anyway, i think my rants wont get me anywhere anyhow... so i will just stop here. even though it has been so long since my last entry. and seriously, somebody...anybody please tell me...is there more to life than playing COD on PS3, reading books, drinking coffee at Starbucks alone or playing the piano? |