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♥ Ryn Azrynne
Because none of it was ever worth the risk. But you are the only exception. And I'm on my way to believing. Oh yes I'm on my way to believing. |
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♥ Me
22101986half arab half bugis white chocolates.white roses piano.books.cats the beach starbucks.redbull.pink dolphin red.white.grey sunsets.moonlights headphones.vocal house.shorts arsenal.cod blackops.leica chanel.armani.zara the little mermaid rocket power.ppg fee.lyn.jaz.uzir.mudd ♥ My Links
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♥ My Songs
  Music Playlist at MixPod.com |
losing
and when i lose myself, i think of you.- i can't wait. september one of the worst month for me this year, is finally coming to an end. alhamdulillah. =) yesterday, one of the bestfriend came over to my place. hung out singing songs and etc. i got the little mermaid pouch as a gift cos i can't find it anywhere. YAY!!! hahaha otherwise, life's been pretty much mundane now. work and work and work. these days, i feel so worn out and so tired. and i fell sick. maybe i can't take all this anymore... finally.
these latest events that have been happening around me have caused me scars that's left me traumatised. i have exhausted all means of my life lines and i am imminently left with no choices. at all.- and so, begins my thursday morning, a huge sense of dread is hanging over myself. i realised that i have sunk deeper into this abyss of self hatred for myself. i also realised that i am left with no other options but to walk away. and i think i will do that. maybe not in this life. God willing, we will meet again someday. if i am with someone else, so be it, but my heart beats silently for you. dear God, this song that plays within me, please let me listen to it for the rest of my life even if i am walking on a different path. now i can close my eyes and finally shut down. =) sun.sand.sea
sunsets. waves crashed. sand in my toes. i want to feel it all.- and so my saturday begins with another call from the ex at 8 in the morning. i think he wants me back cos he's asking if we could meet. i highly doubt so. last nightt work was very very very fulfilling. ;) heehee... at first i was exceptionally moody but then hahaha... my mood was lifted and i ended up singing all those "hell-yeah" songs dancing away enjoying myself. damn somebody can do the twist! LOL i shall not say another word about last friday night. it was seriously too bad i didn't take any pictures. that kinda sucked. but oh well... do it all again this coming friday night. LOL so i got a present... a canon! heehee thank you mwuah mwuah mwuah!!! <3 so amazing! actually, i am very very very down. been this way for a few months now. things are getting very...tense at home. no one is talking to me. no one. i wish people would stop being so judgemental. i'm being pushed into a corner. it hurts but i guess i gotta be used to it, this pain that lingers inside me each time i'm home. when i have a daughter, i will show her n tell her i love her. i won't shove her aside uncaringly and never acknowledge her and without even showing or saying a word just expect her to know i love her in that cold way. no way. i will show and tell her. every single day. i hate my life. i am now simply and merely a daughter and a sister. words. only words. but i don't get treated like one here. i am just like a passerby now. it's only when the occasion calls for it then i am summoned, treated like a daughter and a sister. otherwise when the doors are shut, i am nothing at home. God, i don't want to do this anymore. i am tired. so tired. haizzz... all i asked for each and every single day when i lift my hands and pray, "dear God please let me breathe today." i don't even ask to breathe easily. all i ask is to breathe and not suffocate nor drown. my saturday's turning sadder by the minute now. i should do something. to make today better. i should. i think i need the beach. badly. i'll go play the piano again. Labels: piano sad beach inspired, no?
forever and for always. <3
- first and foremost, selamat hari raya to everyone celebrating it! =D secondly, i got really moody so i've decided to start blogging back as promised after the month of fasting has gone past. and yeap here i am packed full with inspirations! hahahaha wowwweee boy am i exaggerating... lol so anyways, things have been going ok so far. it's one of those days where it's safe to say "so far so good". so yeah, one of THOSE days. =/ truth is, i really miss you. i try not thinking about it. but it gets worse as i shove it all at the back of my head. sighsss... maybe i've lost my inspirations for this entry... =/ |